snowtop | 001. (v2) [audio + commentlog/open]

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001. (v2) [audio + commentlog/open]

A...Again?

[Xanth lets out a hollow, bitter laugh.]

I... n-no, you, you have to be k--kidding. I-I already d--did this. M-My world was... a-already gone. Th--The End took it. K-K'lai, a-and Grams, they... th-they were... already gone.

[He takes in a shuddering breath. His chest tightens, his voice cracks.]

N--Now you say it... it's all g-gone? Unmade? D--Didn't ev--even-- h-happen? How!? I-- I lived that! It-- it can't-- not again--

[There's a small gasp, like a prelude to a sob, but then Xanth slams the book shut.

Xanth takes his record, takes his key, and immediately sets out into the Keep. He's tired, he's so fucking tired, but he has to know if anyone else got snatched into this mess too.]

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[It doesn't. Very little could reassure him at this moment.

Xanth follows her lead and takes a seat a few feet away from her. For a few seconds, he just looks at her. His expression, though he doesn't realize it, is a mixture of longing and sadness.

He looks away, then runs a hand through his hair.]

O-Okay, uh. Y-You... know me. R...Right?

[Kairi nods.]

Mm. We met a few weeks ago.

[She looks from his face to his leg and back again, caught between concern and confusion.]

[Xanth sighs and slumps forward, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He and Kairi had been through so much together - talks, arguments, battles... dances, parties, a kiss...

But she remembers only a few weeks.

This cannot be her.

This cannot be the Kairi he knew.]

I...

I-I think... you m-met a d...different me.

[Kairi stares at him for a good thirty seconds. That doesn't make any sense, and yet, at the same time, it seemed right. When she'd first met Xanth, he hadn't know anything other than his own world. This boy obviously knew more.]

So, you know about other worlds and... other selves?

[She hesitated to call Namine a nobody. How could she disregard another part of herself?]

[Those thirty seconds are extremely tense. What if Kairi thinks he's insane? How could she not, with the way he's behaved? But then she speaks, and it sounds like she believes him.

Xanth finally looks back up at her and, hesitantly, he nods.]

Y...Yeah.

A-And I think... I... kn-knew a--

[His voice cracks and he swallows past the lump in his throat.]

A d...different y-y--you.

Oh.

[What can she possibly say? Namine had asserted herself before, had reappeared when she needed to. But Kairi didn't know when it was going to happen or how to trigger it or even if it was still possible. But he sounded so hurt.]

I'm sorry. I wish I could help. But, well... I don't remember and she... Isn't here.

[Xanth laughs again - a broken, mirthless bark - and drops his head.]

It-- i-it-- don't worry. I-It's... n-not your fault.

[But gods, does it hurt. Xanth scrubs at his eyes. He can't cry, not here, not now. Not in front of Kairi, not in front of this stranger.

But he can't stop.]

Xanth, don't...

[She catches sight of him rubbing his eyes and without though, shifts closer to him. But what is she supposed to do? If she knew his other, then is this Xanth a stranger? And how did he know her name and what she looked like if it was Namine he met? So many things don't add up. But seeing him hurt and filthy and crying and looking so much like the person that she was getting to know, Kairi brushes it all aside. She throws an arm around his shoulder in an awkward sideways hug. It's an uncomfortable gesture by all accounts but there's nothing else she can think to do.]

What happened to you?

[Kairi's touch is meant to comfort, but Xanth can feel her hesitance in the motion. The fact that she's trying at all, even though she barely knows him, is a testament to the fact that she is so close to being the Kairi Xanth knew.

And yet, in the same motion, she is so far.

Xanth's shoulders shudder under Kairi's arms as he fights a sob. Should he tell her what happened? About the battle with The End, about the Golden Shore? Would she even believe him?

He sniffles, then draws his knees up to his chest and hugs them close. His entire body aches, but the position makes him feel so much safer.]

It-- it's-- a long, l--long s-story...

Heh, well, I think we might be here a while.

[It's not funny, not really. Kairi retracts her arm by tries to catch Xanth's eye.]

But you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. C'mon. I can show you where the infirmary is.

[It isn't funny, but she's right. If his stay on the Elegante was anything to go by, they would be here for months.

But he just can't talk about it yet. The wound, still fresh, has been struck again and had salt rubbed into it. What he needs is time.

He sniffs again and nods, wiping his face on his rag of a sleeve.]

Th-th--thanks. I-- I-I'm-- I... I'm s-sorry...

[She climbs to her feet and turns to offer him a hand getting up.]

What for?

[Xanth takes Kairi's hand and pulls himself up. Immediately, he takes his hand back He still can't look her in the eyes.]

F-For... fa--falling ap-part, l-like... like this...

[If only he could hold his fucking composure for once in his life, at least until he's alone.]

... It's okay.

[To tell the truth, she was more relieved that the hug now had an explanation... Sort of. It wasn't okay, really. But then he'd been pretty scared the first time they'd had a conversation like this too...

Maybe soup would make it better, or at least something to take his mind off it.

Setting the fishing pole down on the shore - she'll come back for it - Kairi started heading back toward the gate.]

So, there're some things you should know about here.

[Xanth follows after Kairi. Now that he's not running, his limp isn't so bad, so he keeps pace.

He's heard about harsh punishments and something about tattoos, but rather than interrupt, he'll let Kairi explain.]

Y--Yeah?

[He's not sure he could talk for long without starting to cry again anyway.]

Well, if the letters from your journal start appearing on your skin, don't worry. You can just wash them off with cold water after you make an entry.

[Best to cover old bases first.]

They, heh, must really want us to write.

I--I guess. I w-wonder wh-why.

[But Xanth makes a mental note of this. Better to prepare himself for something strange than throw a fit when it happened.]

I don't know...

[She walks on in silence, musing, but breaks it before it can stretch too long.]

So, you still remember what castles are like, right? I mean, this kind of castle.

[Xanth looks from the ground up to the castle before them. He recalls the brick walls; the quarters he awoke in; the great keep he passed on his way to the lake; the stables he glimpsed.

Eventually, he nods.]

Y--Yeah. I-I, uh. [Sniff.] G-Grew up, i-in a p-place that had th--these.

[But that she knew that much brings up another question in Xanth's mind. He sneaks a glimpse at Kairi, wondering if maybe he can look at her as he speaks, but still he cannot. Instead, he looks to the ground in front of him.]

Th-the, um, the m-me you met b-before... w-what was he like?

Well, nervous, heh.

[It's not funny, but it seems like an obviously common trait. Kairi sobers, however.]

I think he - you were afraid. You didn't know about other worlds before you got here. I think a lot happened to you very fast.

But you were okay if you had something familiar. Heh, you taught me to make soup.

[Nervous, fearful, ignorant. That sounds very much like the person he once was. Xanth wonders exactly how alike he and the other Xanth were. How had he lived? How were there even two of him in the first place?

But then Kairi mentions soup, and Xanth manages a smile.]

Y-Yeah? Wh... what kind?

Heh, I don't really know. It had onions and carrots and celery, but no chili.

[She grins at him.]

In case you ever wonder, you don't like chili.

[Xanth's smile widens, and for a moment, he can pretend things are alright.]

Y-Yeah, I'm not... f-fond of s--super spicy th-things. O-Or, uh, super sweet th--things.

B-But, I l-like ice c--cream.

[And he's pretty sure you do, too. Kairi showed it to him.]

Me too! But I haven't been able to find any here.

[She looks at her shoes. Yes, she went looking for ice cream.]

Do they have ice-cream in castles like this?

[Bingo. But to her question, Xanth shakes his head.]

N...No. A-And I don't... know h-how to m--make it, eith--either.

[But he's sure it can be done. And here, Xanth clears his throat and his smile fades into a frown.]

B-But, um. Th-this place is prob--probably not a n-normal castle. At-- at all.

[If it's anything like the Elegante, it's got all sorts of anachronisms, strange features, and dangers. But Xanth reluctant to bring the mood down, smiles again.]

S-So... it m-might!

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