snowtop | 003. (v2) [video]

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003. (v2) [video]

[At first, there is no sound; there is only the image of Xanth's forearm. Lines of letters curl around his fingers, twist around his hand, and spiral onto his arm. The ink, jet black, is stark against his pale skin.]

Th-this-- it means I-I've been-- t-too quiet, right? I-It... it wants me to-- t-to say... s-something.

[It's been a while since he's checked in, made sure people knew he hadn't vanished, but there is nothing to say.

The feed remains set on Xanth's arm.]

I'm... o-okay. I'm s--still here.

A-Are... are you guys... o-okay, too?

[He heard that crack some days ago. No one has called for help on the journals, so no one was hurt in the expedition that came after, and no one had been hurt during the initial bang.

Or so he hopes.]

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Wh-- what?

[Xanth pulls away and finally, finally, looks Kairi in the eyes.]

N-No, I, I--I k-killed Riku, a-and you're-- y-you're ap--pologizing to-- to me?

He was dying.

[It hurts to say it. But she doesn't look away.]

You had to.

[Riku had asked him too.]

I couldn't.

[And he had known. It was why he hadn't asked her.]

I couldn't have done it. I couldn't have fought him even if I was strong enough. He's my best friend. I'm supposed to be there for him and I couldn't.

[She's supposed to be their light. And she couldn't do anything.]

So you had to.

And I'm sorry, Xanth.

[Kairi was right. Every word that came out of her mouth was absolutely right. Kairi couldn't have done it; Ironhide couldn't have done it; it had to be Xanth. And Xanth knows this, he's thought long and hard and he knows this, but it still feels wrong.

Xanth sets the orange and its scraps aside, then leans forward and puts his head in his hands.]

B-But it's not... i-it's not your f-fault...

Well, it isn't anyone's fault.

[Not really. Sometimes, things just happen.]

I wish it hadn't happened, any of it.

But, Riku's okay. And me. We wouldn't be, if you hadn't been there.

[She would have stayed with Riku until the zombies came for her. She would have stayed until he turned.]

Y-You... You'd've c-come back. E...E-Everyone does...

[This is not to say death is without meaning; Xanth died once, and gods, it rattled him. But Xanth is... bitter. He's bitter and he's tired and right now, he'd have a hard time seeing the bright side of the sun.]

[It takes a moment for the strike to sting. But sting it does, and Kairi withdraws. She folds her hands in her lap again.

She can't look at him.

Is he hurting so much that he'd say something like that?]

What do you mean?

[Maybe she was misunderstanding him.]

[The withdrawal is the only clue Xanth needs to realize what a terrible thing that was to say. He bolts upright, gaze snapping to Kairi.]

I--I didn't-- I-I didn't mean--

[But what didn't he mean? People do come back; Kairi would have come back.

But Kairi would have died.]

... I-- I don't know.

[Once again, his posture sags, and he drops his gaze. He's not thinking is the problem, but can he even think, with all these thoughts clouding his mind?]

I-I'm, I'm sorry, I-I just-- I just wish... n-none of that e--ever happened...

So do I!

[She stops. She hadn't meant to sound so forceful.]

I can't let it hurt me any more.

[Riku's alive. Riku remembers. She'll never let him see how losing him again had affected her. She has to be strong.]

I was so angry at you before, when I was in quarantine. I thought you killed him. I blamed you both for making me leave before... He died. I thought I was sick too and I didn't know what they'd do with me.

[If they'd kill her.]

But then I thought that would be okay, if I was sick, as long as you and Riku were okay.

[She had cried for days. Not sobbing, just unable to keep her eyes from weeping.]

I don't want to feel like that again.

[She glares at the floor. She knows she didn't misunderstand. His reaction was enough to tell her that. He had meant it.

But she didn't want to be angry at him.

And she didn't want him to be angry at himself.]

[He flinches when she snaps, and then curses himself for being so damned pathetic. So she was angry. She was hurt and betrayed and now, Xanth is pulling all those half-buried feelings to the surface again.

And though it's deeply layered in guilt, some small, dark place inside Xanth is satisfied by her upset.]

Y-You... You shouldn't... h-have to. I'm-- I-I'm glad you're o--okay, really, I, I--I am. I'm-- I'm sorry. I just...

[He's just babbling.

He sets his elbows on his knees, then takes a deep breath and rubs his face. His words muffled, he adds finally,]

I'm... j-just not as-- as s-strong as I sh...should be.

[She gets to her feet.]

Strength isn't everything.

[She holds out a hand. It's not really an offer to help him up. He doesn't need that. It's more an insistence that he follow her.]

Come on.

[Xanth looks up and blinks twice, confused.]

Wh-- what? Wh...Where?

[His posture straightens, but he doesn't stand just yet. Whatever Kairi is doing hasn't clicked, and he'd rather like to stay in his room...]

Heh, you need a bath.

[If he won't get up, she'll reach for his hand to pull him to his feet.]

[And that is what finally breaks Xanth's tension. He cracks a smile - a real one, lopsided though it is. (Then again, all his smiles are.)

He lets her take his hand, but he hauls himself to his feet on his own.]

Y...Yeah. I--I do. K-Kind of... badly.

Well, let's go.

[And without really giving him time to grab a change of clothes or a towel, she begins picking her way between the fallen oranges and dragging him towards the door.]

W-Wait, wait-- I-I need-- c-clothes?

[Without letting Kairi go, Xanth pulls towards the closet. He has a clean set in there that he hasn't worn yet! No use getting back into dirty clothes!]

Oh.

[Wait, was he asking her if he needed clothes?

Well, two could play at that.]

Heh, maybe.

[It was an uncertain statement, rather than a question, and so Xanth is confused. But then it connects, and he breaks into another nervous smile.]

H-Here, just, I'll-- I-I'll grab s-something.

[He opens the closet, grabs a shirt and some pants (does he have any clean underwear?), and he is set to go. It's all wrinkly, as folding is for people who care, but these are clean enough.]

[Kairi's gaze lingers on those crinkles for a moment, but she soon looks away, grinning sheepishly. He's a boy, after all. And even if he wasn't a boy, her clothes aren't much better right now.]

Well? Come on, you lazy bum!

[She taps her foot in feigned impatience, eager to make him laugh at her, to make him forget the things that let him get like this to begin with.

And to forget them herself.]

Let's go!

[And she tugs him towards the door again.]

[A little more of this and he might well laugh; as it is, she's taken the nervous edge off his smile.]

I'm-- I-I'm coming, I'm c--coming!

[Xanth lets Kairi pull him toward the door, and then if she'll take him that far, even out of the room.

He forgets entirely to lock his door, but that's for the best. His keys aren't even in his pants.]

[She does indeed pull him out of the room, and down the hall, rough the corner, and straight toward the mens' bathroom.

She doesn't pull him inside.

Instead she stops short and goes to shove him gently in the back with her palms pushing him toward the door.]

And don't just go in there and pretend you showered when you didn't!

[For a moment, she's forgotten who she's teasing, that Xanth never went to school, never had to endure the stink of thirteen year old boys after gym class, wouldn't even know why she'd think he'd do something like that.]

[Indeed, Xanth wonders what the point of that would even be, but he doesn't question her - he just plays along.]

I--I won't, I, I-I promise!

[He takes a moment to wave at Kairi, and then he makes his way into the washroom.

Even as he goes to shower, his smile lingers.]

[Kairi only just waits for the door to half-close before whipping around.

Xanth looked like he hadn't eaten in days and oranges wasn't going to cut it. She wasn't a good cook-...

Okay, she was a terrible cook. But she knew how to cook fish! And even though Xanth didn't like spicy soup, well... That was just because chili powder didn't go in soup! But it did go in fish.

But she wouldn't have time to catch anything, and she wasn't very good at filleting. She'd have to get something from the main kitchen and replace it later. And she'd have to be fast. But fish didn't take long... Right?

These are Kairi's thoughts as she hurries away from the bathrooms and out of the barracks. She doesn't have a lot of time, but maybe if she hurries she can be back by the time Xanth is done!]

[Xanth would like to linger in a hot shower and scrub away all his worries, or sink into a warm bath and hide under the water for a while.

But this is, sadly, not to be.

Xanth's shower is as quick as he can make it and quite chilly. He alternates between scrubbing himself under the water and then jumping back out to warm up. By the time he finishes, he realizes that he'd forgotten to bring a towel, and he mutters a curse.

He spends some time air-drying before he decides, fuck it, and gets dressed. He's only a little damp, anyway. But it gives Kairi plenty of time to do whatever it is Kairi is doing, at least.

Xanth emerges from the washroom a little sadder, a little colder, and a lot cleaner than when he went in.]

[Kairi is only just hurrying back down the hall, a plate balanced on one hand and a couple of forks in the other.

She didn't have time to make everything look nice. There's just some fish pieces and lettuce on the plate. The fish is mildly spiced and has lemon juice squeezed over it, but that's all she could really manage. And it didn't cook evenly either. But at least it isn't burned!

She's so engrossed in the food that she doesn't notice Xanth right away. When she does see him, she stops short and does her very best to stifle a giggle.

He looks damp, especially his hair. If he were anything like Riku or Sora, he'd look cranky at her.]

Come one.

[She turns toward the stairs. There's a dining room in this building, right?]

We're eating.

[He is like a wet dog, only he smells much better thanks to not actually being a dog and thanks to the magic of soap.

He follows behind Kairi, peeking over her shoulder at whatever it is she's made. Looks fishy, smells spicy. Cue apprehension. Spicy is not his favorite, but Kairi knows that by now, doesn't she?

Xanth puts his trust in her. Whatever it is, he should eat it anyway. He could count his ribs in the shower...]

W--We?

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